We mustn’t forget that Zimbabwe is going to tour Pakistan. That should come as a relief to us, but something of an insult to Zimbabwe. Does that mean the militants don’t think they are good enough to be killed? If they were satisfied with the Sri Lankans, whose attack stopped touring teams?

The Zimbabwean tour was thrown into doubt by the Safoora Goth attack, which left 45 Ismailis dead. We won’t note why there was an Ismaili commuter bus, except to point out that this was a security risk. However, that is to beg the counter-question of why it should be risk to security. Why should Ismailis be at greater risk than anyone?

It is worth noting they are a minority within a minority. They are Sevener Shias, as opposed to the Ithna Ashariya, or Twelvers, who form the majority of Shias, and who have so far been the target. The attack has been carried out, according to some, by the Islamic State, who seem to have it in for Shias, whether they are Sevener or Twelver. Sevener is something of a misnomer, because they accept the Agha Khan as the current Imam, the 50th. However, they too have a minority, the Dawoodi Bohras, who believe that there were only seven Imams, and followed Syedna Burhanuddin, who died last year, His successor has not been determined between his brother and his son, and there may well be another split. Already a minority within a minority within a minority, that would lead to the Dawoodi Bohra minority being really small.

There has been some talk of RAW being behind the massacre, but that is unfashionable these days. It’s bad diplomacy. Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi said that cricket might help ties, but for that, it is essential that India beat Pakistan. Modi doesn’t have a sporting bone in his body, none of the spirit of ‘win or lose, how the game’s played is what matters.’

It might seem far-fetched to connect this with the couple beaten to death in Bihar, after a panchayat hearing. It seems that the man in the couple was already married, but still ran off with a schoolgirl. It shows how Bihar villagers (and presumably Gujarat chaiwalas) can’t stand a winner.

Still, Modi is a paragon of tolerance when compared to North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un, who executed the Defence Minister for, among other sins, falling asleep during a parade. He was not hanged or electrocuted or even beheaded, but shot to pieces (literally) by anti-aircraft gunfire. Kim has previously had people executed by shooting with a mortar (which reminds one of the British blowing Indian Mutineers from cannon in 1857), or burning to death with a blowtorch. Obviously a perfectionist. Besides, Defence Ministers falling asleep is not something we don’t know about. After all, when Naveed Qamar was Yousaf Reza Gilani’s Defence Minister, he fell asleep at a meeting, but was not put in front of either ackack guns or mortars. I suppose that isn’t the reason he wasn’t mentioned in Seymour Hersh’s explosive piece about the killing of Osama Bin Laden. According to him, the COAS and the DGISI were both in the know about the raid. Well, if they knew, it certainly helped to have a sleeping Minister.

Well, that would help in Burundi, where the ousted head of intelligence tried a coup while the President was abroad. The coup failed, and one hears there was much disappointment in ISI circles because of this. I mean, what is the world coming to if an ousted intelligence chief has to watch while the country is destroyed? Wait for when the ISI demands troops of its own, to fight the war on terror of course.

The importance of the War on Terror cannot be over-emphasised. Because of it, the Gulf Cooperation Council members have not emirs, or at least heirs, in Washington to meet President Barack Obama. These are the Arab rulers who are meant when the question is asked, “Where is the OIC?”

But why as that question now? Well, because Rohingyas from Burma, fleeing from persecution there, are stranded at sea, refused entry by Australia, Indonesia and Malaysia, stuck on the open seas after also being abandoned by the smugglers who took their life savings in the first place. The Rohingyas reinforce the image of Muslims as boat people, for they are preceded by Syrian, other Arabs and Africans, who try to get to the European Union, by sea. It’s interesting that suicide bombing was started by Sri Lankan Tamil militants, but now it is associated with Muslims; and the original boat people were Cubans fleeing to the USA, and then Vietnamese fleeing to Australia, but now it seems to apply to Muslims drowning all over.

Another crisis is US starlet Lidsay Lohan carrying a Quran. Imagine her converting to Islam. And I wonder how she feels about the Islamic punishment of hand chopping for stealing… She needs to be told that Muslims take an even dimmer view of shoplifting than Westerners.