City Notes

Maybe Donald Trump should move to Pakistan if (or rather when) he loses the US presidential election. The Supreme Court here has ruled that paranoid schizophrenia is not a mental disease preventing one’s execution. He’s a rich man, and can afford medical certificates. Mental illness is a dicey thing. It seems as if the Supreme Court wants people claiming exemptions to have a perpetual blink in the right eye combined with a perpetual twitching of the left shoulder, otherwise they won’t accept the person as unfit for execution. An occasional brief giggle would help. One now knows why President Asif Zardari didn’t present his medical certificate from a London psychiatrist (which he got to avoid a London court appearance on grounds of insanity) when the Supreme Court wanted a letter written to the Swiss authorities. They would have rejected it.

The Supreme Court seems to be in an odd mood. Apart from the decision that paranoid schizophrenia is not an illness, it took up the Panamagate case on November 2, the day before the PTI shuts down the capital. Now what the Supreme Court should have done is turf Mian Nawaz Sharif out on his ear, and install Imran Khan as Prime Minister. If it won’t do that, then this country has no future, and it would be proof that this country is not fit for heroes.

We should be proud that Trump has taken a leaf out of Imran Khan’s book, and said that the coming election is rigged. Not just by the media being on Hilary Clinton’s side, but actually with fake votes. I wonder how Trump will react if he wins. Trump refused to accept the election result in advance at the third and last presidential debate, but so far he has not yet announced a dharna. Perhaps he doesn’t know where to hold one. Perhaps he doesn’t need to, not wanting to get married. (He’s one up on Imran, in being on his third marriage). And he admits being a groper on tape, while women have been coming forward to detail his bad behavior. No one has made any statements about Imran though. However, he’s got a secret weapon, and I don’t have inswinging yorkers in mind, but Tyrian White.

The Supreme Court was not the only court doing its bit; the Sindh High Court stopped liquor stores from functioning in the province. Going by what Mustafa Kamal said about him, that might well be a hint to Altaf Hussain to stay away, because the good stuff simply won’t be there. Mustafa Kamal was probably not paying too much attention, what with his spat with Dr Ishratul Ibad, apparently Governor-for-Life. They’re accusing each other of corruption so loudly that they are calling for enquiries against each other.

The weather is unseasonably balmy, with motorcyclists going deliciously bareheaded still, even though end-October should mean an appearance of the bobblehats and one-handed riding. I suppose it’s one of the unfortunate effects of global warming, but we’ve not seen the end of the summer even though we’ve had the monsoon being over.

Perhaps there’ll be a change of weather when Aleppo falls. That city is still holding out, and now there’s been the offensive against Mosul. The militant response has been to attack Kirkuk. Aleppo is in Syria, Mosul in Iraq, but apparently there’s not been enough coordination between the two.

Militants seem to be having a hard time. Remember the Bangladeshi militants who attacked a café in Dhaka and killed a number of foreigners there? Well, it seems that the leader was traced to a flat in Dhaka (yes, he hadn’t taken the elementary precaution of going somewhere else), and when the police raided it, he tried to escape out of a window, and ended up splattering the pavement outside it. Note: he was not pushed. Anybody who says he was pushed, deserves to be pushed himself.

Militants are being accused of backing Imran Khan in Islamabad. It’s the card the PML(N) has chosen to play against the PTI, even though it itself has been accused to backing the militants. True, the PML(N) has never given any money o the Jamia Haqqania, but then it isn’t in office in KPK, is it?

There are all sorts of militants, not just Muslim ones. There are also Hindu ones, who start young. What else do you call the schoolboys in Bihar who daily beat up a classmate for years because he was bright, and a Dalit? Bullies? Or upper-caste heroes who tried to sort out an uppity Dalit? Or militants? It seems that Dalits don’t have a chance in today’s India. Education has been touted as the way out, but will it work if bright boys get beaten up? And not just once, but every day?

And I must finish with the Islamabad chaiwala from Mardan, whose picture made the rounds of the social media because of his killer good looks. The young man has been offered modelling. There was another chaiwala in Indian Gujerat, a Teli by caste, who didn’t look so good, and couldn’t get into modelling. Instead, he became an RSS activist, and is now Prime Minister of India.

He didn’t get slapped by a TV reporter from either side of the border; unlike a TV reporter who got hit by an FC guard at a NADRA office in Karachi. Well, I suppose it’s lucky he didn’t shoot her. But maybe for that you need a Ranger.